Archive for February 29th, 2008
Struggling, In (An)Other(’s) Words
I have been struggling with writing this post. My drafts have included the topics of “fasting”, “intimacy”, “seeing”, “daring to draw near”, and “gut honesty”. But I have been unable to find words for what I really want to say here and for my true answers to the guiding questions for this week’s theme:
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What are you up against in your life as a God follower?
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What’s the hardest obstacle?
- What keeps you from believing that God is with you all the time?
So, I turned where I sometimes turn when my own words fail me: to my hymn book.
Charles Wesley was arguably one of the greatest hymn writers the world has ever known. Of the hymns he wrote it has been said that they cover the entire scope of Christian doctrine and practice. They give words to our theology and expression to the hearts of Christ-followers.
As my answer then, to those questions about struggle–a description of the place I want to live in terms of my will, my desires, my responses; how I want my heart to be so there is nothing in the way of loving Jesus as He longs for me to and as I want to myself—I give you Wesley’s “I Want a Principle Within”. (This, by the way, was written in 1749, in what should have been one of the happiest years of his life. It was the year he married his wife, Sarah Gwynne. Theirs was by all accounts a very a happy marriage, although it was also touched by sorrow: only three of the eight children born to them survived infancy, not necessarily an uncommon circumstance in that time, but heartrending if one has a heart, which Wesley obviously did.)
I want a principle within of watchful, godly fear,
A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near.
Help me the first approach to feel of pride or wrong desire;
To catch the wandering of my will, and quench the kindling fire.
From Thee that I no more may stray, no more Thy goodness grieve,
Grant me the filial* awe, I pray, the tender conscience give.
Quick as the apple of an eye**, O God, my conscience make!
Awake my soul when sin is nigh, and keep it still awake.
Almighty God of truth and love, to me Thy pow’r impart;
The burden from my soul remove, the hardness from my heart.
O may the least omission pain my reawakened soul,
And drive me to that grace again, which makes the wounded whole.
(Words we don’t generally use in daily conversation: *filial—befitting a son or daughter; ** quick as the apple of an eye—as sensitive as the pupil of one’s eye)
