Lent

[From Rob Hatch]

Despite the significance of Lent, I struggle with figuring out what God is asking me to do. Being a part of this community illustrates that I am not alone in this.

What do we have? We have the Words and the perpetual unfolding of a relationship. We have prayer and circumstance and some significant events. For some reason though, even during significant seasons, I fail to find clarity. Instead, Lent serves to magnify my daily challenge to discern the calling.

I have spent the last few weeks writing an application for a grant for the non-profit agency I serve. I’ve done it before, sometimes with success, sometimes not. Being fully engaged in grant writing, I am reflecting on the similarities between that process and my relationship with God. If you’re not familiar with grant writing, it is an interesting process that goes something like this:

A Proclamation

It starts with an announcement from a granting agency. Needs are stated, intentions are presented, parameters are given, and interested parties are welcomed to apply.

A Gathering

Shortly after the announcement, the parties congregate, filled with hope, opportunity and expectation. A representative from the granting agency is there, a leader who presents and reviews the text of the grant with the group. Oftentimes it is not entirely clear what is meant by the words on the page, and the leader answers questions put forth by the participants.

Questions like:

“In section 3.3 it says that we need to….could you help us understand what is meant by….”

We are trying to understand what is meant by a word, a phrase or a passage. Some are scrutinizing each word. Some are trying to push at the edges of the meaning, hoping it will fit their current program.

The leader attempts to translate the words when he can, but sometimes he points to what is written because it’s enough.

Sending Forth

After the gathering, the group departs for their own programs with (ideally) a shared understanding of what is being asked of us. More likely though, the understanding varies from person to person. I ask myself questions like:

“How am I going to fulfill these expectations?”

“What must the program look like?”

“Does it have to change?”

“How many people do I think we can serve?”

“In what way will we serve them?”

Day to Day

Then I go back to my work and life, to decide what I ought to do next. I might go back to the words and my notes. I might call someone else who was there for clarification. Eventually though, I write and explain how I plan to implement our program. Sometimes it requires doing something different, something new. Many times it means reflecting on what I’ve done in the past and committing to continue, or to do more.

Often I go back and forth between the words I read and what I’ve heard, trying to understand and respond in the best way I know how.

Lent

Today is the First Sunday of Lent and there are many words on many pages. I will gather this morning with others at my church and listen to Fr. Norm’s explanation of the meaning of some of those words.

When I leave, I will be wondering (as I always do), about what to do with what I’ve heard. I’ll pray and I’ll ask questions. As I move into my day to day, I will write the story, my plan to serve God.

As I began this Lenten season I reflected on what I’ve done well in the past. I’ve made a commitment to continue and to do more. More praying. More listening. More reading. And more writing.

Having decided what to do, even in the context of a busy life, I have been granted the time, the space and the opportunity.

My grant deadline was two days ago. I drove the 5 copies (4 plus 1 original) along with an electronic copy on CD directly to the State House in Augusta. I handed over my sealed package. I received my time stamped delivery confirmation. All I can do now is pray.

(Photo by MykReeve, creative commons)